Who Am I?

–You’re kidding, right?


I live outside a teeny town called Alexandria. If you skip a day from work and dare to show your mug on the street, by the time you get back home there’ll be three messages waiting on your answering machine gossiping that you didn’t go to work today.

In a town this small it’s tough to get away with anything, even stuff that’s boring.

I grew up outside an even smaller town and skipping school when I was a kid was tougher than trying to break out of Alcatraz. And while I didn’t worry much about a detention or two I absolutely dreaded my parents finding out.

swat team

The thing was I didn’t just have to get past teachers and my parents, I had to dodge the skip police too. If I missed a day some well meaning busy body would call my house with the pretense of getting missed homework to me.

If I was worried about missing stuff I’d have gone to school, thanks anyway kid. Even if they didn’t plan on ratting me out (doubtful) the end result was the same, I got busted.

I figured out the best excuses to get a day off were the ones that presented themselves naturally. In the end I managed to skip a few days but I chose those days carefully.

Things didn’t change much as I got older. Like everyone else, or mostly everyone, I traded school for work. I was a grown up and for the most part thought I should act like one.

Like any adult if I wanted something I needed approval for, I asked for it. If I needed a day off I asked for it, it was the mature thing to do. Most of my bosses were pretty understanding…

“You want to take a day, go ahead. Take two days. Hell, take a whole damn week. While you’re at it, take the rest of your life.”


Life hadn’t changed much from kidhood to adulthood.

I absolutely understand where skippers are coming from. Skippers aren’t lazy, degenerate, good-for-nothing bums. Bums don’t have to skip, they’re right where they want to be, and if they don’t want to be there anymore they just move to another corner.

You have to have a job before you can actually skip.

Skippers are just folks trying to squeeze a little bit of fun out of life and trying real hard not to get shafted in the process.

I don’t see the harm in taking a day off here and there. I’m not saying you should make out like a bandit, but once in awhile a little adrenaline rush from being ‘bad’ is good for you.

I know there are folks that don’t agree with me, if I still had a boss he’d be one of them. Just so you know, whenever I miss a deadline for putting up a new excuse, I give myself a stern talking to. Luckily, I always have a good excuse.

Some folks have even asked me how I can make this website and not feel morally degenerate.

“Easy.” That’s my answer. (See, nice and simple, no hedging, no room for discussion.)

Or, if I’m feeling a little snarky, I pretend I don’t know what they’re talking about and go into the long discussion about the mechanics of building a website. I usually make sure it’s super boring.

The stark reality is that skippers and the rest of the world will never see eye to eye. Either you don’t care if another person skips or you get all righteous about it. Some nice folks even make it their business to show you the evil of your ways.

It’s like when the other kids got all up over my not coming in for a day… jeez kid, you want to skip, just do it.

Grab an excuse and have yourself a bang-up day.