How to Make Death Work for You
You asked for real sick, excuses for you to miss work, it took me awhile to come up with this one but I busted it just for you.
Real Sick Excuses
And this is sick on so many levels
Death of someone, other than yourself, (calling in dead sounds witty, but if you ever want to go back to work it presents an obvious problem) can be turned into a good excuse if planned properly.
Death does make for a great excuse but all too soon you’ve wiped out an entire village of virtual people and supervisors are catching on that the town you live in isn’t getting any thinner. And a lot of bosses are starting to ask for copies of obituary notices, no real death, no obituary notice.
You asked for real sick, excuses –
here you go
The best strategy is to honestly go to real funerals. They only last a short time and you’ll have most of the day to play once all the bawling is over. You do, of course, have to have access to dead people.
This strategy calls for a little prep work.
First – volunteer at an old age home to be a companion for a few old people. The older the people you choose the better, for obvious reasons, and these folks are the most needy anyway so it’s win – win.
Spend some quality time with them and make sure you get lots of pictures. The more pictures of yourself with the old folks the better.
You’ll have to work a bit to make sure they have fun,
otherwise they’ll look like they’re being held hostage and that makes for a lousy photo op. So plan some good recreational activities and make sure they’re approved for old people, tackle football and rugby wouldn’t be a good idea. Otherwise you’re going to have some explaining to do when the time comes, and that’s not nearly as much fun as it seems.
When you go to work be sure and talk about the wonderful, fulfilling time you spent with the old folks. Show the pictures, they’ll be worth gold when you get to calling in your real sick, excuses so you can get out of work. Even put a picture or two on your desk where everyone is sure to see them. Frame them up real nice and sharp, it makes them look like they are important to you.
When the dear old folks pass, preferably before you, which they surely will, unless you do something really stupid and die before they do, ask your boss for the day. What boss is going to deny a volunteer the right to pay his/her respects? Jeez, they’d look like total asses.
The down side to this,
is that you just might end up feeling kinda lousy if you actually started to care about the old folks, then having fun might be a bit of a chore. If that happens then use your day to celebrate all the fun you had together while you were planning these real sick, excuses just to get out of doing a little work.