Excuses to Skip Work

Your Good Times Guide

If you’re going to use excuses to skip work you’ll want to make sure your chances of getting caught are slim to none. There is nothing like a pink slip to suck the fun out of an otherwise perfectly good day playing hooky.

Guys Jumping

The thing with excuses to skip work is, usually, they aren’t real. So if you’re called out on them you’re likely screwed. It’s best to avoid suspicion if you can help it.

Here’s a few general guidelines you might want to follow when using any excuses to skip work:

  • Mondays are generally not good days to call in sick. Your boss automatically thinks you had a hard weekend and are looking for an extra day to recuperate. If you did have a hard weekend this might be a day you try to suck it up, ’cause you’re not likely to have any fun anyway. May as well throw up on company time.
  • Fridays are not good days. The boss automatically thinks you’re looking to start a hard weekend early, he’s already suspicious of any stories you might want to use.
  • Don’t try for the first day golf season opens. It would be a waste anyway, the chance of you running into your boss is just about 99.9%, he’s likely put in his excuses to skip work weeks ahead and they’re bound to be better than yours. Actually he doesn’t need any, he’s the boss. Wait at least a week into the season before you pull a golf day.

 

Don’t try to fake excuses to skip work on these days:

  • First day of fishing season.
  • First day of hunting season.
  • First day the strawberry patch opens.
  • First day a really hot sale opens at WalMart.
  • Any Friday 13. You want to be around as many people as possible anyway, it diffuses the negative energies among more people, thereby diluting them, making the chances that something serious will happen to you, way lower.
  • First day that’s nice and sunny and warm after winter has finally left.
  • All of Octoberfest. Fine, maybe it would be worth trying for this one, but don’t say I didn’’t warn you.
  • Don’t pick any good days that most people would want off. Those really are the times everyone else is calling in with dumbass excuses to skip work, there is the chance you could get lost in the shuffle but not likely.

So you get that some days are better than others. The idea is to slide under the radar when you try to make up excuses to skip work. If there is something fun going on near to you chances are your boss is wise to your ruse and will call you on it. Better to travel 100 miles out of your way to enjoy some festivity with a bunch of strangers than to get caught in a bunch of lame-ass excuses.

A few more rules for successfully pulling off excuses to skip work (who thought breaking rules would have so many… well, rules)

  • Don’t try to pull a lot of sick days. Your boss will probably know you’re lying, or worse, figure you’re too sick and therefore a bad risk. The first time any cuts come around you’re going to be in the number one spot to get laid off first. After all you seem to need the time off
  • Instead mix it up with a few non medical emergencies. Try throwing in something a bit out of the ordinary. It will take your supervisor by surprise and they’ll be more likely to believe it.
  • Bosses have been known to excuse violators if the stories are exceptionally entertaining. No guarantees, but worth a shot.
  • If you’re claiming near death status don’t be seen around town laughing it up. Remember everyone has a better half and they talk to each other. The chances of someone who knows someone you know, seeing you, are good. And let’s face it one of the first things we talk about is how so and so missed work, again.   Don't laugh at fellow workers
  • If you call in sick or with an emergency never drive by work honking your horn and waving at your imprisoned work mates, it ticks them off and even the most devout buddy will rat you out. (Some twit actually did this.)
  • Don’t use anything that can be easily verified, like my house burned down, I was arrested, I had to go to the emergency room. All these can be checked out and you’ll get caught, unless they’re actually true and then, well, they don’t get much better, do they?

Now get out there and enjoy your extra days off with some of the most unique excuses to skip work you’ll find anywhere.